Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2012 Resolutions.

1) Stop downplaying everything I do eternally. Kathy always comments on how, whenever I make a new dinner, as I give her her plate I say, "I think it's okay, but this soandso didn't seem right." After I invest time in something, even when it's just something like food, whenever I show it to anyone other than myself there always has to be an additional deprecating comment.

I submitted two things I wrote to different places in December. What I said about the first one: "I think it's way too long, sorry." What I said about the second one: "It sounds way dramatic and crazy. Oh, I think it's way too long, sorry." Enough, Jill. Enough now. One of the things I've understood better in 2011 when it comes to writing is that I need to be edited & I actually really welcome that; each editing experience is a good learning experience.

But that doesn't mean I need to be ashamed that I have a lot to say and that I want to say all of it, and that I often have a lot of Feelings about the things I want to say. Own it, woman.

2) It is a fact that I will spend the first seven months of this year positively freaking out about how we're going to pay for our wedding in July. Most people wait until they are responsibly financially stable until planning a big wedding, but, we have never really followed the rules other responsible people follow.

In order to help actually pull this off, I need to do a few things: A) Take more transcribing jobs, and when I work on them, actually work on them. No checking Twitter every five minutes. Or every three minutes. Or, okay, every thirty seconds. B) Take all the extra tutoring shifts I can. Here I come, Portland Public School children. C) Keep the dream of getting paid to write stuff alive. It's possible.

3) More biking. Always more biking.

4) More writing. Write as many blog entries as I want; make them as long as I want. Submit something to somewhere--a website, a literary journal, whatevs--once a month. I just had someone really cool ASK me to submit something to their really cool journal. Don't be an idiot and ignore the universe being awesome, Jill. Even though I'll never actually be good at writing reviews because all of my Personal Feelings get in the way of being objective, write more about books & more about music. Because that's all you want to write about, anyway.

5) More pictures. It's become overly apparent to me in just the last month that I need to think about investing in a new camera by the end of the year. Sorry, old Lumix, I'll always love you. More importantly, don't put off using that darkroom time Kathy got me for Christmas. Holy hell, excitement.

6) Apply to the University of Washington for my Masters of Library Science. It just has to happen. So you're going to be in school forever. It's okay, you're still lovable even with your reckless financial decisions and your lack of having a solid career until you're 40.

7) More books, more variety. The world understands you love children's & young adult literature. But your brain will actually probably enjoy some grown up stuff and some non-fiction, too. Remember that time you got a degree in literature and underlined & bracketed things in your anthologies just because you liked the way the words sounded? You can relate to teens but relate to yourself, too, you know.

8) Less pointless apologies; less guilt. This will probably be the hardest one, but really girl, you do not have to say I'm Sorry twenty times a day for things that are out of your control. You can show your empathy in other ways. So do it.

2012, I am so in love with you already. Let's make out.

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