Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Project Runway 11.2: Balls Are Our Business. (End quote.)

We start Episode Numero Dos by learning that we're going to stay in the same megateams from Episode Numero Uno. Ha! Ha! Team Keeping It Real is all, awww, sounds good, buddies! Let's punch each other in the shoulder and cast reassuring grins at one another! Dream Team looks silently to the ground; collectively breathe, SHIT.

Our challenge also introduces Utterly Blatant Advertising Scheme #1 of the Season, creating new uniforms for the staff at some fancy club in New York that's owned by Susan Sarandon and specializes in ping pong? Ha! What! The guy says their logo is, "Balls Are Our Business." Ha! Ha! What!

As hilarious and strange as this is, I'm not super thrilled about this challenge because, uh, right, uniforms. Even with Susan Sarandon involved, uniforms aren't that exciting. I mean, they COULD be exciting if the designers were really allowed to do whatever the hell they wanted, but Ping Pong Balls Place actually wants to USE these uniforms, so I assume they can't be too avant garde. But hey, I could be wrong.

The only exciting thing that happens at Mood is that Benjamin, This Australian Dude, is super douchey to Cindy, Old Lady From Washington. You know when people have British/Australian/etc accents and they can either sound ADORABLE AND BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL or like the most fucking pretentious people in the world? Guess which one Benjamin is! Already sort of over you, Benjamin. EYEROLLING FOREVER.

Joseph Aaron also wants to make an outfit for the ball boys that's full of polka dots, and Nice Bald Guy is like, "Joseph Aaron, these guys want to look manly," and Joseph Aaron is all, "But, they can still look GOOD!" And then he talks about his cat sweaters a little more. He is the adorablest!

You silly gay! 
Going to try my darndest to include a Swatch shot each episode, because COME ON THAT FACE.
THIS PROGRAMMING INTERRUPTED to shout about the Lifetime TELEVISION EVENT that keeps getting advertised starring Mary J. Blige and Angela Bassett called BETTY & CORETTA, about the widows of Martin Luther King and Malcolm X bonding together. YES PLEASE. DOUBLE DOUBLE YES YES.

Anyway, so back to business. Team Keeping It Real--I hope these teams change next week because typing that name is getting obnoxious--is still getting along chummy and Dream Team is still being awkward and tense. Cindy and Benjamin are still having Bad Times.

"Stop micromanaging me!" "I'm just trying to help!" yadda yadda yawn.
But there's a screen printer there to screen print logos onto fabric, with a rad twirly press thing, so, that's neat. YEAH SCREEN PRINTING.

Layana, a super sweet Brazilian girl, is also working closely with Daniel With the Mustache, as she's concerned about her construction skills and he's open to helping others, although he does keep calling her "the weakest link" in the one-on-one-with-the-camera sessions, but. Still. Her honesty and slight insecurity about Not Being the Best is actually quite appealing to me, a pleasant opposition to the egos that are normally bouncing around the room. They are two of my faves and I love them together.

"I would marry her if I were straight!" I'd marry YOU!
The next morning, however, it seems like Dream Team has sort of come together in their misery and are trying to help each other out, while Kate looks around Team Keeping It Real and all of a sudden thinks, Hey, This All Looks Like Shit. Which, from where I sit, seems pretty accurate. Whoopsie.

THIS PROGRAMMING INTERRUPTED AGAIN to say that this Lifetime show about the ladies who design bras for busty women? I'll probably never watch it but I feel like I am TOTALLY INTO IT. RIGHT? Is that weird?

Onto the runway show, Susan Sarandon obviously shows up. I love you, Susan! Even though you are a hilariously weird ping pong club owner now!

So for the actual runway. I mean. It was sort of boring? This was the worst:

This gross tank brought to you by James.
One of the few interesting things was a kilt made by Matthew, with a ball pouch on the balls talking about balls.

Who doesn't like a kilt, amIright?
And then there was this outfit, put together by Joseph Aaron and That Nice Bald Guy, both of whom I love, but the huge printed pockets are straight from the days of JNCO jeans.

I haven't missed you, middle school!
To be honest, I had no idea which team was actually worse than the other, but it ended up being the same as last week, with Dream Team on the bottom and Team Keeping it Real on the top. At this announcement, Dream Team looked SO SAD, Y'ALL.

OMG, a million puppies just died.
But in better news, Samantha is looking HOT, as is Matthew in that fine pink jacket. Buck up, guys! You'll make it soon! Speaking of amazing outfits, I also can't get over Daniel With the Mustache's sweater, over on Team Happy:

But let's get to the judges' critiques of the best and the worst, which I didn't necessarily all agree with. Staring with the worst, DUN DUN DUNNNN:

Guys, the models always look so depressed, too! Ugh!
So obviously the tank/long short combo was bad, and I feel pretty meh about James anyway because he seemed particularly bad at and also moody about taking his team members' advice. The judges' complaint about the middle outfit was that it was boring, and more suited for a suburban hotel than such a wonderfully hip ping pong club--remember how we just found out those exist?--which, now that they said it, is true. But it still looks classy and cute, so, eh.

And then they really hated the kilt, guys. Well, Susan Sarandon thought it was "ballsy," which all the judges thought was hilarious. But they all clearly thought the "balls are my business" pouch was inappropriate, which it was, BUT IT WAS ALSO FUNNY, DUDES! It was funny! And while I do love Susan, I did roll my eyes a bit when she said that "none of her guys would wear skirts, I can tell you that." Okay, yeah, full out EYEROLL. How do you know? This guy seemed okay with it! Kilts are cool! (Imagine Matt Smith saying that; it makes it better than when just I say it.) And I actually really liked the mesh tank, and feel like the design did actually capture the "frenetic energy" of the ping pong club, as Benjamin described, even though I would typically think that was just some bullshit phrasing. But it sort of does! Anyhoo, thank goodness for Zac Posen, who did step in to say that he enjoyed the "tongue in cheek gender bending." Thanks, Zac! I like you more already.

Onto the Good Ones:

Guys! They loved the JNCO jeans look! Really! I also hate the top--something about the black and white split and that font just read super cheesy to me, like a badly designed website or something. I dunno. The outfit on the right ended up winning, which was designed by the Actual Dream Team of Layana and Daniel, so I'm happy for them. But while definitely super cute, I really didn't think this was that original or anything. I feel like I've seen waitresses wear this exact outfit, like a lot? I did genuinely like the dude in the middle, although his outfit is a little tough to really see in this screencap. But while it was just a loose pair of pants and a sweatshirt-t-shirt thing, they all fit really well and somehow just looked SUPER SEXY. But I don't know if he looked that way because of the clothes or just because he is SUPER SEXY. I do think it was a combo, though. That one was designed by Stanley, who's a Somewhat Serious Gay, who I think could possibly go far this season.

As for the loser, it came down to Cindy and James. Which I also didn't find quite fair: obviously James deserved it, but Cindy's jacket was at least well made, and more interesting than the shorts that Benjamin contributed. But I guess Benjamin also made the mesh tank that I liked, too, so, I guess I should just shut up. In any case, Cindy's safe. Bye bye, James. We hardly knew you. Literally.

Here's to hoping we get rid of these megateams next week, if only just so I don't have to see the Dream Team so full of sad anymore.

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