Monday, March 25, 2013

Project Runway 11.5: "I like everything but country."

Ohhhhhhkay, so I have officially become so far behind in recapping these Project Runway episodes on here that it's crossed over from "hopefully amusing" lateness to "why would anyone still even read these" lateness. Apparently, recapping a show on my own for fun while I'm simultaneously recapping THREE other shows for AfterEllen was not the greatest idea. Let's be honest, recapping three shows at a time is sort of exhausting me. And, okay, let's also be honest, I am officially "complaining" about GETTING PAID TO WRITE ABOUT TV SHOWS. THAT'S IT. KNOCK ME OUT EVERYONE WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.

*shakes head* Phew! Okay, better now. Knocking yourself out is tough but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

In better news, I'm on "spring break" this week, which means my workload is slightly less, which means I have already made a list of 389432743 things I want to do so as to not actually be able to relax. One of those things is catching up on these recaps, because the truth is, I am actually strangely and completely in love with this season, so I want to get caught up and be more relevant.

This episode, numero cinco, is the Miranda Lambert challenge, which I found enjoyable because Miranda Lambert is fun but also a little less interesting than some of the challenges to come, so let's zoom through it so we can get to the really good stuff.

We begin with some team change-ups, which we don't have to go into detail about, other than knowing that we are NO LONGER IN THE MEGATEAMS. HAAAAALELUJAH. No more having to type Dream Team or Keeping it Fucking Real! Thank you, Lord. We're now in teams of two. Oh, and they're designing looks for Miranda Lambert. Hahaaaa, in case I didn't spoil that enough yet.

I best know her as The Hot One Who's Married to Blake Shelton, and after a serious Voice addiction I survived a few months ago, I. LOVE. BLAKE. SHELTON. And so by association I assume I love her? Anyway, they have to create one performance look and one red carpet look, so the teams of two will work out swell with each designer getting to do their own thang. Amanda feels pretty good because she's from Nashville; the designer who's definitely most out of their league is poor Tu, who I'm not sure has ever heard country music before. But he heard someone say that she's like the Lady Gaga of country and he knows a little about Gaga so LET'S DO THAT! Which eventually causes Tim to be so worried that he TAKES OFF THE GLASSES.

Everyone else though seems to be chugging along alright, except for Matt, who is just in a very dark place today. When Tim asks him about his design, he's all, "Maybe I'll do this, maybe I'll do this, ehhh, I don't know..." with the confidence and enthusiasm of a wobbly sad fish. He's partnered with Michelle, on whom my Slight Crush I Don't Understand is still building, and who is a good pair for him. But still. He says to the camera, "It's weird to be my age, and still struggle with insecurities, you know?" WE KNOW, MATT. Every single one of us knows, no matter what age. Anyone who doesn't is lying. Or just an asshole, and who needs those?

Bear hugs, child.
Daniel, who I typically love, is also feeling pretty much in love with himself, which he probably needs to calm down a bit from. AND we discover that Amanda's brother who's in Maroon 5 looks pretty much like Amanda With a Beard. So, there's that.

Now onto the runway, where it's Appreciate Heidi's Tiny Leather Skirt Time.

I appreciate you.
And Miranda's here with her hair back real tight, which I am not a huge fan of, although she does look lovely in that tight leather thing she's got goin' on.

And now, some highlights:

It's really hard to tell from the screencap, but this is Amanda's simple navy dress FILLED WITH FRINGE, and when the model walks, the fringe flows so beautifully. It's easy and comfortable and fits in with the sexy country theme and I would wear this if I could.

I also ended up really liking Tu's, even though it absolutely does not fit Miranda Lambert at all. But the structured lines of the top are very cool, and very Tu-like, so I dig it.

Aaaand the rest I either thought were somewhat boring or ugly, so let's hear what the judges have to say.

Let's start with Richard and Stanley. Richard took some black mesh and dangled a whole bunch of leather and sparkly things off it.

AND THE JUDGES LOVED IT. HEIDI SAID IT LOOKED EXPENSIVE. HUH? I mean, as evidenced from my love of Amanda's fringe, I like things that dangle and things that sway and move; I like things that are shiny; they are all in fact some of my favorite things. But the whole time Richard was working on this, it just looked like a trainwreck. But Miranda totally loved it too so what do I know? I did, however, think Stanley's runway outfit was cool. Classy with a slight edge, and a bit of sex with the wide boob opening. Not exactly mind blowing, but good.

The other team on the top is Amanda and Benjamin. Benjamin's dress seems rather plain to me, but everyone else loves it. I think construction wise, it is impressive in the fact that there are no seams and it's so fitted and so smooth and I understand that. But, eh? But still, glad they also loved Amanda's dress.

In the bottom two pairs, we first have Michelle and Matt. They hate Michelle's leather fringe necklace and her overall look, but to Michelle's credit, she fights for it, without being totally obnoxious. And I agree; I also like the crazy fringe necklace and the vest is bad-ass. Matt meanwhile, I feel like his look wasn't horrible, but he was just sooooo sad about it, even while describing it. Michelle did jump in and try to over explain his own depression about it, which probably wasn't necessary, but Miranda gave him a good talking to about believing in himself. He did tell her, "You're cool as shit," and she said, "Thanks for thinking I'm cool," and I liked that and ugh Matt I just like you so much you're wearing bright blue pants and a great scarf don't be sad you're a good person.

The other pair on the bottom is Daniel and Samantha, two of my faves, but their pieces are sort of cringe worthy today. Daniel was sooooo in love with the way he treated the leather on the top of his dress, and everyone HATES. IT. Especially Nina. Nina hates it so much she eventually, after rambling about how awful it is, disintegrates into just saying "BAD, BAD, BAD" with Heidi hiding back laughter behind her note cards. For Samantha, they basically said, "You dress more interesting than the clothes you make, so stop doing that," which is a criticism I also feel often on Project Runway. Matt, for instance, look at your outfit compared to what you made! Look at your cool yellow necklace! Look at your choices!

"Between a napkin and a tablecloth."
When the verdicts come down, Richard's black mess of a thing wins. His happiness is LIKE THIS! Which is hard to deny.

The cutting block, however, lands on Matt. Sad, sad Matt. :(

:( :( :(
While Tim usually says the right thing after eliminations, this time he tells Matt that he feels it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, which while TRUE, and Matt agrees that he "self sabotages," that probably still doesn't feel very good. He doesn't quite understand why his confidence was so shaken, but he says still, an older version of himself would have found excuses to not even show up to Project Runway in the first place. And he knows that just showing up with a clear head, for him, is an accomplishment. And how true is that? It's really true, is what it is.

Keep fighting the good fight, Matt. I'd love to have a drink with you in New Orleans some time, at least in my head.

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